The Ready Morning[]
(Intro)
(Elliot is sleeping on his bed)
(Alarm clock goes off, and Elliot flies off his bed)
Elliot: Holy shit!
(Elliot repeatedly tries to turn off the alarm clock, but it keeps buzzing. Elliot hits the clock, but it ricochets off the door and smacks into Elliot’s head.)
(Cuts to Elliot kicking open the garage door. The cinder block flies and ricochets off the wall and out of the garage. The cinder block flies into a Shelby and hits the driver. The driver veers the car off the road)
Driver: Fuck
(The word DIE is said, and the car crashes into a house, causing it to explode.)
(Elliot opens the garage and rides off on his bike)
(Elliot is riding through the city. A guy in a red Ferrari 360 Spider sees Elliot, but crashes into a building. Elliot runs into a blue Corvette C6. Elliot flies through the air. Dr. Breen in a Volkswagen Golf stops and looks through his window.)
Dr. Breen: Oh, shi-
(Elliot flies through the window and collapses on Dr. Breen. Elliot throws Dr. Breen out of the Golf, and drives off. Elliot drives recklessly, and smashes into a several people on his way to school, including inside of the building)
New Friends[]
(Elliot flies into the Mr. Cool’s classroom, and throws himself with Mr. Cool out the window. Both of them come back into their places immediately)
Mr. Cool: Attention class. You will all be having a pep rally starting after second period. Remember to walk out through the field and sit in the bleachers appropriately, and no dilly-dallying.
Brandon: DILLY-DALLYING? Who says that anymore? OH WAIT, Mr. Cool does! (Laughs)
Mr. Cool: Also, today we will have two new students that will be joining the class today. Please welcome Jimbo and Wesley.
(Jimbo walks in, but Wesley flies into Jimbo)
Xavior: Actually it’s Xavior 3.10, WEETART
(Xavior throws a book at Mr. Cool)
Brandon: Oh look! Another nerd in the class! (Laughs) Looks like you’re not lonely after all Elliot, HA!
Elliot: You do realize there’s a shoe strapped to a C4 under your desk, and it’s about to GO BLOW UP, BLAHH!
(Elliot head inflates and flips his desk and the C4 explodes, but Brandon is left unscathed)
Brandon: (Laughs) Good one Elliot. (Laughs again)
(Elliot’s head farts as it deflates to normal size)
Jimbo: Wow, I was only in the class for 15 seconds and something gay happens.
Brandon: You’re gay!
(Jimbo takes a seat)
Jimbo: Bananas!
(Ellis appears out the window)
Bill Clinton: Hey guys, whoever wants to smoke some doobies behind the bleachers with me, raise your hand.
(Bill Clinton explodes)
Xavior: Hey guys, the name’s Xavior 3.10 and I’m a major L33T hax.
Jimbo: I L33T hacked your mom.
Xavior: NO! My mom has a firewall.
Jimbo; If you understood the term “L33T”, then it’d be obvious I passed the firewall.
Xavior: You know what? I’m gonna L33T hax you.
(Xavior throws Elliot out the window)
(Xavior starts L33T hacking, and sets Jimbo on fire)
Mr. Cool: Alright, now for your warm-up. How do you say shoes in Italian?
(Elliot crawls back into the room)
Mr. Cool: Elliot? Do you know this one?
Elliot: (Muffled) No, but I can tell you what you DON’T KNOOOOW!
Brandon: He’s a furfag! (laughs)
Elliot: You’re a furfag!
Jimbo: You’re both furfags!
Brandon: Oh okay, sorry. (Starts laughing again)
Elliot: Oh yeah, shoes are le scarpe.
Brandon: WRONG! THAT MEANS BOOTS!
(Brandon throws a boot at Elliot’s head)
Elliot: You’re a boot! (Slams head on desk)
Brandon: Your mom’s a boot! (hits a chair)
(School bell rings)
(Elliot walks out while swinging a crowbar)
These Fagolas Again?[]
(Cuts to Mr. Higglesworth’s room. Elliot swings the crowbar at Mr. Higglesworth on the way inside. Brandon passes, and runs into the doorframe, but comes in)
Mr. Higglesworth: WHOA, THESE FAGOLAS AGAIN!?
(Mr. Higglesworth jumps out the window. All the students look confused and smile. The Emo Kid injects himself with drugs and faints)
(Mr. Higglesworth appears from behind the desk)
Mr. Higglesworth: Ha, just kidding. Alright, at the end of the class today, we will head out to the gay pep rally crap, so don’t make a scene.
Jimbo: (In the doorway) You’re a scene.
Mr. Higglesworth: (High pitch laugh) A new fagola to make fun of. From now on until you die a lonely death, I will call you fagolaaaaaaallllll.
Jimbo: Actually, the name’s Jimbo.
Brandon: Hi Jimbo, more like UNDERWEAR!
(Brandon laughs, but is interrupted when Mr. Higglesworth throws a shoe at him)
Mr. Higglesworth: Congratulations! Anyway, I have your grades for the fag quizzes you took the other day. Elliot, F! Brandon, F! Francis, F! Emo Kid, F! Some Fagola, F! And Fagola, F!
Jimbo: I didn’t even take it though.
Mr. Higglesworth: That’s why you failed! (Laughs and waves his arms around)
Jimbo: My god, transferring to this school was a big mistake.
Mr. Higglesworth: Hey, everyone makes mistakes, fagola. You know, how your parents made you? BIG MISTAKE! (Throws a shopping cart a Jimbo)
Brandon: (Civilized voice) Hey teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Mr. Higglesworth: The opposite of yes! (Throws a vending machine at Brandon)
Principal: Attention, all students and teachers must report to the bleachers outside in the field in this moment. Attention, this is your principal. Attention, I am still your principal. Attention, attention, attention, attention. Dicks, that’s all.
Mr. Higglesworth: You heard your faggot Jew principal, get going!
Pep Rallies[]
(Cuts to outside at the Pep Rally)
Brandon: Hey guys, do you wanna just skip the gay pep rally?
Jimbo: Sure
Xavior: Yeah
Elliot: Yes
Ms. Person: I hope you boys aren’t planning on skipping this week’s pep rally, because Mr. Higglesworth will be guarding the exit:
Brandon: (Civilized voice) H-hold on one sec.
(Brandon shoves Ms. Person into a bus, and explodes, and the voice DIE is said)
Brandon: Okay, the coast is clear! Let’s get the hell out of here
Gym Teacher: Well not so of an oblivious excuse for a child, where do you think you’re going?
Xavior: We’re going to skip the pep rally
Brandon: Shut up Xavior, or should I say Xav-tator-tot! You ruined the surprise!
Gym Teacher: There’s no room for surprises. Move up and sit down, DOWN!
Elliot: Hey guys, did you see where Brandon went?
Jimbo: If he’s escaping and leaving us here, who wants to summon the Christian cult in the back of the school?
(Elliot, Jimbo, and Xavior raise their hand)
Brandon: Hey fagolas, down here! I found a secret path that can lead us outside. Ohohoho, I am so smart!
(The four of them run off)
The Elite Army[]
(The four are crawling behind a fence)
(Mr. Higglesworth jumps out of nowhere with a machine gun)
Mr. Higglesworth: Hey, this is a restricted area you poop faces! Go back or I’ll be forced to rape your faces that are made of poop (Laughs)
Brandon: Well, any brilliant ideas anyone?
Jimbo: I think I know a sexy plan.
(Jimbo walks off)
Jimbo: See ya guys.
(Jimbo runs away)
Mr. Higglesworth: Oh darn, I’m not allowed off the property without permission. Goddamn you Jew!
(Mr. Higglesworth starts firing at a random civilian. The civilian dies and the song Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap plays)
Xavior: Hey guys, let me save your stupid asses. (Starts L33T hacking and no clips) See ya guys! (Laughs)
(Xavior noclips away)
Brandon: Well, it looks like we’re screwed, Elliot!
Mr. Higglesworth: Hold your fagola mouths. Let me ask the principal if I can arm an elite army and if I’m allowed outside school property. (Laughs)
(Mr. Higglesworth gets out his phone and starts dialing)
Mr. Higglesworth: Mr. Principal, can I have an elite army, and am I allowed outside the school property?
Principal: Yeah
Mr. Higglesworth: Okay, thanks Jewbot.
(Mr. Higglesworth hangs up and notices Brandon and Elliot are gone.)
(Elliot and Brandon are running away)
(A black Hummer H2 swerves in front of the two)
Mr. Higglesworth: Put it up fagolas, this is your last stand!
(Another black Hummer swerves from behind. Eight G-men are surrounding Elliot and Brandon)
Brandon: As I was saying, it looks like we’re screwed, Elliot!
Elliot: Not yet.
(Elliot walks up to one of the Hummers)
Mr. Higglesworth: He’s walking! F! Shoot him!
(Mr. Higglesworth starts firing. Elliot back flips away. Mr. Higglesworth misses and shoots another civilian. The song Hide and Seek plays again. Elliot Then runs off)
Mr. Higglesworth: We’ve got a flying fagola here! CODE F! CODE F!
(A military helicopter comes in and starts firing a minigun. Elliot rolls behind a Hummer. The helicopter hits yet another civilian, and the song Hide and Seek plays again. Ellito rolls inside one of the Hummers and backs up into one of the g-men, and rams into another one. Brandon jumps into the Hummer. Elliot drives off)
The Chase To Suburbia[]
Brandon: Whoa, where’d you get the cool fagola moves?
Elliot: From your MOM! OOOOOOOH!
Brandon: (Civilized voice) Oh okay.
(Xavior and Jimbo are lined up against the wall with two g-men. Elliot runs into them, and gets Jimbo and Xavior into the van)
Jimbo: Thanks Elliot!
Xavior: Score!
Brandon: Hey Elliot did you ever get your driver’s license?
Elliot: Nope.
Brandon: Ah, that sucks (Screams with laughter)
Jimbo: Hey Elliot, how much gas does this thing have left?
Brandon: Hmm, the little arrow is pointing to the E, which stands for erection, which means we have enough gas, kay fagola?
Jimbo: Why’d you stop Elliot, suddenly getting furry hallucinations?
Xavior: The gas is out you retard!
Mr. Higglesworth: Alright fagolas, get out of the car or else (laughs)
Jimbo: Or else WHAT?
Mr. Higglesworth: Or else I’ll kill you (laughs)
Xavior: Oh how silly of me, I forgot to no-clip us out of here.
(Xavior noclips the Hummer out of the area. An explosion happens in the spot that van just left, with the voice DIE being said.)
Nerd Power![]
(The gang transport back to Elliot’s neighborhood)
Brandon: Nerd power, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
(Brandon waves his arms with the words LOL)
Jimbo: I love bananas!
Xavior: Excelsiors!
Elliot: BEANS!
Jimbo: Thanks for the ride Elliot, I’ll see you on school on Monday.
(Jimbo walks away)
Xavior: Yeah, thanks man
(Xavior runs away)
Brandon: You’re gay. (Civilized voice) No I’m just kidding, you’re cool now.
(Elliot smiles)
Brandon: (Civilized voice) Oh, one more thing.
(Brandon throws a shoe at Elliot)
Brandon: (Childish voice) Bye!
(Brandon flies off on a balloon)
(Elliot goes back to his house to find the alarm clock is still on)
Elliot: You’ve got to be kidding me.
(The end. Credits)